He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
