he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
