He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
