I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
