Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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