I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
