i jhust puked up my retainher.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
