anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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