I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
