I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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