every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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