i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
