I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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