you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
