i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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