Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
