She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
