it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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