Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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