I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
