The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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