They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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