Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
