just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
