so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Farmville is her only friend.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i now understand why vodka
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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