She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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