just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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