She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm passing your future prison.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
