4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.