I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.