Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.