I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?