I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.