You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
4 words: hood of his car
He kissed a someone with a penis
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
