She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
