ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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