if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
