He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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