I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
