I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
