At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your mouth is God's brothel.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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