This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
