i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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