Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
