Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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