Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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