I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
