I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
