It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
