Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
