Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize