This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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