never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
