HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
