I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
