Can i not drive my cunt home
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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