I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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