i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
