you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
