Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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