I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
