R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
