thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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