I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Come back. Shots need mouths.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
