I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
