seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
