one might say we're banned from that church
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Two words: nipple clamps
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