Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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