I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
