We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am one with the molecules
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
