i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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