i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
