And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
