He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
