he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
