At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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