Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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