he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
