It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if only i could text you this smell
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need to sanitize my soul.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
