They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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