I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
