i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
