that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
His hands were made for my vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?