you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
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I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?