his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
