Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her