Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?