Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico