i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"