im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs