The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
