Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
