My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders